Sunday, March 19, 2006

Prozac Nation

Has anyone seen these commercials for "Relacore," the "amazing" new belly-fat-reduction drug?

They've been on late-night television for a while now, and until now, they've been just so much background noise. That is, until I caught their latest ad.

Look at this advertising:

Excess tummy flab is not your fault: That's the startling conclusion reached by scientists who discovered stress is the likely cause of stubborn belly fat. But instead of simply identifying the problem, this time they may have found the solution!

Simply stated, a bulging midsection is not your fault... it's the harmful combination of everyday stress, overeating, and excess cortisol, all conspiring to keep you overweight, tired, and thick around the middle. But now you can beat stress-induced belly fat with Relacoreā„¢, the breakthrough all-natural anti-anxiety, mood elevating pill that, in conjunction with a sensible diet and exercise program, helps control stress-induced cortisol production, thereby helping to reduce belly fat.


How goddamn creepy is THAT? An "anti-anxiety, mood-elevating pill" that bills itself as the path to losing weight? That's spooky, in-and-of itself, but wait! There's more!

There's also the fact that the drug's makers go out of their way to say that Relacore, in and of itself, will not make you lose weight. No, only a combination of a sensible diet and exercise program (things that you probably aren't doing if you're buying miracle pills off the internet/television), combined with Relacore, will "help" you lose that unslightly jiggle.

But that claim is specious at best. When "Relacore MIGHT be the perfect answer to belly fat" is written in multiple places all over your advertising, you don't have much faith in that particular aspect of your product.

And that third, creamy layer of creepiness? Why, its the drugmaker's suggestion that being fat isn't your fault. No, it's the stress, silly. You're a victim. Of your job, your busy life, your very fat. They are all "conspiring to keep you overweight." They are all against you.

And here's the creepy cherry on the sundae: Relacore will make it all just...go away. Because, even after you start taking the miracle-pill, your life will still be busy. Your job? It will still suck. Your fat? Well, unless you start dieting and exercising (and doesn't that sound like a lot of work, now that you're so relaxed all the time?) that fat's going nowhere, buddy.

But with Relacore, you'll just...adjust. Find your calm. Your inner pharmaceutically-proscribed zen.

Maybe.

They aren't making any guarantees.

Someone explain to me why weed is still illegal in this country, while the makers of Relacore can entice insomniacs nationwide to pop their magical "feel good" pills?

Anyone? Bueller?

1 Comments:

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Scott Roche said...

Welcome to the Brave New World.

 

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