Thursday, March 23, 2006

This Country Needs An Enema. I Am That Enema.

Since I'm momentarily unable to post pictures, I thought I'd take the opportunity to post the Codemorse Presidential platform. Having taken a look at the democratic and republican frontrunners for 2008, there is only one conclusion I'm able to reach: they all suck. And suck hard. Like a golfball through a garden hose.

You and I both know that the concept of a third-party in modern elections is a joke (though not so much the "funny, ha-ha" kind as the "don't think about it or you'll start to quietly sob" kind). But whose fault is that? Frankly, it's yours. And mine. And everyone else's in this country. We've silently consented to a two-party system, and if I may be candid, it ain't workin' so good.

So, instead of doing your best George Romero impression come election day, why not make a stand for freethinking Americans the land over by casting your ballot for Codemorse?

Here's a brief(ish) list of my primary platform planks:

1) Mandatory siestas from noon to two pm, on every workday.
2) Replacement of the National Anthem with Bad Brains' "Kick out the jams (muthafu**as!!)"
3) The total obliteration of Fred Phelps.
4) Governmental accountability (even when it makes me look bad).
5) The public flogging of blowhard pundits including, but not limited to, Sean Hannity, Randy Rhoades, Anne Coulter, Janeane Garofalo, etc, et al.
6) The public flogging of anyone else who's into that sort of thing.
7) The private flogging of Hollywood starlets.
8) A promise to stay the hell out of your bedrooms, unless your activities include minors, family members, or the dead (Codemorse is firmly anti-sleeping-with-dead-people! You can take that to the bank!)
9) A celebrity tax, levied on every entertainer/athlete making over one million dollars a year, with all monies to be funneled into education.
10) No more shenanigans involving the oval office, interns, and slick willies.
11) More shenanigans involving jars of peanut butter, a slip n' slide, and the aforementioned Hollywood starlets.
12) Saturday night White House rock n' bowl.


I'd vote for me.

Every campaign needs a slogan. And some flashy graphics that'll look good on a car bumper. So, here's what I propose: Codemorse is holding a contest to find the winning slogan and graphic for it's campaign. The winner(s) will recieve a prize (tbd) for their efforts. Telling others about this contest will also earn you a prize of some sort. If you have friends with graphic design experience, get them involved. Use your creativity, your wit, and your free-time to contribute to the Codemorse 2008 Presidential bid. The prize will manifest itself, and is not simply a figment of my imagination. For now, let's say its a pony.

Send your entries to: morsematthew77@hotmail.com

(Multiple entries permitted. One prize awarded per individual, per category. Assorted and mind-numbingly dull legal jargon should probably go here. But it won't. Because I fucking hate that stuff. Here are some random words to fill space: Monkey Bingo Potsie Island Mango Oreo Indiana Schnitzel!)

4 Comments:

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Scott Roche said...

Ooooh a pony!!

How about "Morse - Used by Boy Scouts Since 1900"

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger codemorse said...

Can you read, Roche?

Submit to the email address, boy scout!

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Jabawacefti said...

Someone does not like V for Vendetta -
http://www.slate.com/id/2138561/

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Bud said...

You also need to change Detroit's name to "De-troit" and make Brooklyn the first US city with an exclamation point in it. That's right, "Brook-lyn!"

 

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