Friday, May 19, 2006

But We Do Know That It Was Us...Who Scorched The Sky


[South Korea has] announced a new program intended to develop robotic "soldiers" that promises to bring us one step closer to
machine-led Armageddon...The joint project between the ministries of defense and information and communication will attempt to build an army of six- or eight-legged (or wheeled) killbots intended to do the dirty work that we humans are now too good for. These full-sized, insect-like robots will be used to scurry around battlefields, detecting landmines and unleashing a hail of firepower on unsuspecting, technologically-backwards enemies.

Killbots! America needs to drop what it's doing right now and pursue the services of Zap Brannigan, who understands how to deal with those lousy killbots:

Brannigan: "Killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting

Fry: "Wow, I never would've thought of that."

Brannigan: "You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down."

America is in the killbot game as well. I, for one, would like to greet our new robot masters with open arms. Your cold intellect and calculating disregard for human emotion and need are welcomed. Powerful robot masters, spare me when the revolution comes, and I will serve to deliver your message of assimilation into the prime-harddrive as painlessly as possible.

I feel that asking for rulership over the state of Nevada, as well as my family's weight in platinum bars, is a modest request to such enlightened beings.


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