Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Hit List

Posted by codemorse

In an effort to bring world peace a few steps closer, I'd like to suggest the total destruction of the following pop songs:

1) Promiscuous Girl (Nelly Furtado) - Remember when Nelly Furtado was allowed to be talented, quirky and appealing? Me too. Unfortunately, Furtado's last album didn't do so well, Stateside, so she's returned in a belly-baring shirt to sing this half-assed club anthem, which replaces everything unique about her sound with the same thuddingly-generic Timbaland beat we've heard for years. It's a sad fact that women in pop end up whoring their images to the public 99% of the time, but it's especially sad when the woman's as talented as Furtado.

2) Unfaithful (Rhianna) - An unending funeral dirge of a pop song, in which the singer goes on (unendingly) about how she "doesn't want to hurt him anymore" by being unfaithful. Save us all the time and attention. Just. Stop. Fucking. Around. End of song.

3) Stars Are Blind (Paris Hilton) - Ignore, if you will, the processed-within-an-inch-of-its-life vocals. Ignore, if you can, the shameless aping of Gwen Stephani's breathy croon and the Stephani/No Doubt pastiche Hilton sings over. Ignore, if you're able, the mismatched, vacant eyes and empty smirk that is Paris Hilton's mask/face. In fact, ignore this song entirely. It is the "professional" equivalent of coked-up karaoke.

4) SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) - We've thoroughly exhausted the pop song possibilities of tits and ass, apparently. We've moved on to....the back? It's sexy as body parts go, I suppose, which puts it one-up on Timberlake's song. Also, worst lyrics ever.


At 9:36 AM, Blogger Jabawacefti said...

Ooh, I've got a couple more:

Unwritten (Natasha Bedingfield) - I am loath to put it up there because she is very good looking. But her song lyrics sound like high school commencement speeches.

Anything by Jessica or Ashlee Simpson or Nick Lachee - aside from Paris, all of this music is the result of beautiful people marketed well. Particularly that Ashlee Simpson song about how she's always in her sister's shadow. Sucks to be you.

But seriously, how can you not love these Rhianna lyrics:

As he reluctantly
Asks if i'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well.

Everyone's agreed that there's some cheatin' going on. Who is the dufus just hanging around?

At 9:52 AM, Blogger codemorse said...

Who is the dufus just hanging around?

Judging from this song's heavy rotation, I'd say it's the listeners. :)

Seriously, her lyrics make me want to gut myself with a pair of tweezers.

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rollin' in
Because I'm goin' again
and to him I just can't be true

Jesus. Wept.

Hey, I've got some song lyrics! "One fish, two fish! Red fish, blue fish!"


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