Friday, April 28, 2006

Picking Up A Chick And Smacking It Around

Every once in a while, when the world's feeling just a little too tolerant for it's own good, I head over to Jack Chick's Chick Tract site and remind myself of the hilarity/stupidity/horror of religiously-induced "Superiority."

Jack Chick produces black and white comics (or "Chick Tracts" - a name which sounds vaguely dirty) that help explain to kids about God, Jesus, and the literal, unequivocable truth of the Bible.

The strips are sort of like Wonder Showzen, but more sincere.

They're a vivid, refreshingly frightening window into fundamentalist dogma.

And they're funny as anything.

Take this particular Tract, for instance. Called "The Birds and the Bees," it gets to the "truth" about homosexuality. Tell us about this Chick Tract, Jack:

Don’t think that children shouldn’t read this. They already know about it. It’s going on behind your back, on your TV and in your school. So please, let the kids read “The Birds and the Bees.” It could save them from a homosexual nightmare in the future.

Your brother in Christ,


And now, thanks to the wonders of Fair Use, here are just a few choice panels from Mr. Chick's gay-bashing polemic:

I'm a big fan of how Chick's chosen to place squat, inexplicably-mustachioed demons on the shoulders of these two. And of the helpful editorial asides. "This is how the Gays are changing the way little school kids think." Such authority! Such machismo!

You've got to hand it to Jack. He fits a lot of stuff into very little space. In just two panels we learn that the Bible is true (apparently because the Bible says its true), and that "years ago," when Dinosaurs walked the earth (side by side with humans! The earth was created in 6 days!) people used to read it in school to educate themselves. Not anymore, of course.

I love this kid's reaction. Priceless. Pretty much how I think I would have reacted, had some dead-eyed, ponytailed little girl started talking to me about the lake of fire I was getting ready to do laps in. But what I really love is that, without the Bible in schools, kids grow up "not knowing what God says about the devil or what sin is!"

I suppose parents and Church don't exist on Chick's alternate-earth. No, on ChickEarth-1, the only way to learn about God (and not just any God - the Christian God) is in a classroom. It's knowingly disingenuous.

Wait, wait wait....Back up the truck.

So...they made the right choice to do what, exactly? Be intolerant of gays?

Well, the devil's already got all the best musicians. So, one assumes he's also got quite the stable of comedians. At any rate, if being in the devil's crowd means that I laugh at Jack Chick's Tracts, then just call me a brutha of beezlebub.

I'm sick and tired of the Jack Chicks of this world turning Jesus Christ into their personal excuse for hate. Jesus came for all of us. He informed us that there was none righteous. Not one.

Jack seems pretty comfortable telling us what the truth is. He also seems pretty comfortable with spreading hateful invective disguised as truth.

Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten, right Jack?


At 8:55 AM, Blogger Jabawacefti said...

Es ist Zeit für Säuberung

At 1:39 PM, Blogger codemorse said...



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