Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I remember seeing a trailer for Pixar's upcoming Cars movie in front of something, but I don't remember where, and I don't really remember the trailer. This is not unusual, as my brain was recently replaced by a large wheel of cheese.

Dairy products aside, I don't know much about this Cars movie. I know that I've enjoyed every Pixar film. The Toy Story flicks were charming, Finding Nemo is chock-a-block with heart and a deliriously magical Ellen DeGeneres (one of three sentences I never thought I'd write), the Incredibles is quite possibly the best Superhero movie ever made, and Monsters Inc. is cute. A Bug's Life was alright. Not great (no feature film starring anyone from the Kids in the Hall is apparently capable of greatness), but better than most of the stuff out there.

Pixar's track record is impressive. So Cars will probably end up being cute, fun, enjoyable, and the eventual bane of DVD player-owning parents everywhere. But I have to say, based on what I've read about the plot, that Cars sounds less than thrilling.

Aspiring-champion racecar Lightning McQueen is on the fast track to success, fame and everything he's always hoped for - until he takes an unexpected detour on dusty Route 66. His have-it-all-now attitude is thrown into a tail spin when a small-town community that time forgot shows McQueen what he's been missing in his high-octane life.

As someone on Chud points out, that's the plot to Doc Hollywood, starring Michael J. Fox.

Now, I like Doc Hollywood. It's cute. It's one of those home-hungover-on-a-sunday-morning flicks that makes the thunderous pounding in your skull go away, just a little bit. But I've seen Doc Hollywood. There's really no need to remake it. Especially with talking cars.

Add to that the fact that "Larry the Cable Guy" is apparently in this thing, and I go from interested to sarcastically rolling my eyes in 60 seconds. Larry the Cable Guy is a sleeveless hick-comedian you can catch on Comedy Central's omnipresent Blue Collar Comedy Tour/Blue Collar TV marathons. He's the guy who, apropos of nothing, likes to yell "GIT 'ER DONE!" He's phenomenally successful.

I hate him. He's terminally unfunny. (sample joke: [He spots something behind him] "Aw, those are my shadows," [he says, relieved] "I thought a couple black guys were sneaking up behind me." [Huge laugh])

He's not even "Blue Collar," fer chrissakes. Daniel Lawrence Whitney ("Larry's" real name) was born in Nebraska, where he attended private school. He then moved with his family to Palm Beach, which is sort of the fundamental opposite of blue collar.

All of this has me thinking that Cars will be less of a fun flick, and more of a secret recipe for the end of the world. A CGI remake of Doc Hollywood, starring Larry the Cable Guy as a talking car? Open the seventh seal!

(Read David Cross' "Open letter to Larry the Cable Guy" HERE)


At 8:46 AM, Blogger Scott Roche said...

Bug's Life - Seven Samurai
Toy Story - The Odd Couple
Monsters' Inc - A Martin and Lewis film
The Incredibles - The Fantastic Four

And I find Tim Allen and Ellen DeGeneres generally annoying (comedically light years ahead of LTCG granted), but they were fried gold in their Pixar movies.

I guess I'm saying have hope. I do.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Ben Miro said...


I've got no sense of urgency about this film whatsoever.

At 1:09 PM, Blogger codemorse said...

I'm a hopeful kinda guy, Cap. I hope Cars blows my doors off.

But Larry the Cable Guy is enormously irritating to me. Not just in a "he's not funny" sense (More "Larry" "goodness": "They're dead, get over it! Poor little sandy asses!"). Hearing "Git R Done" in a Pixar film is going to make me cry like a four year old. You know it's in there somewhere. Lurking. All snaggled teeth and terrible purpose.

Ugh. It'd be one thing, if he were really "Satirizing" southern culture. It'd even be (weirdly) alright if he really WAS the ignorant, redneck simpleton he purports himself to be. But he's not. He's a playactor, profiting off of ignorance and stupidity. He's become his own caricature, and that's sleazy and repulsive to me.

It's a good point you make, about how the other Pixar films are riffs on other live-action flicks. And like I say, I enjoyed Doc Hollywood. And Albert Brooks does nothing for me, comedically. Yet, he was a good, solid voice in "Nemo." Maybe "Larry" is hysterical in this thing. After all, he didn't write the script. So, I have hope too. But I'm most definately unsold.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Scott Roche said...

I don't have a sense of urgency either, but I don't think I did with any of the Pixar films. I was always like, "I know they're going to be good experiences." And that was enough. And they all were.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Scott Roche said...

Also, this bit :

"He's not even "Blue Collar," fer chrissakes. Daniel Lawrence Whitney ("Larry's" real name) was born in Nebraska, where he attended private school. He then moved with his family to Palm Beach, which is sort of the fundamental opposite of blue collar."

seems weird to me. My answer is so? I'm not a supporter of the guy, but most comedians are playing "characters" on stage. Rodney Dangerfield's real name was Jacob Cohen and he wasn't married, so no one could take his wife. I'm sure that Emo Phillips (ne Phil Soltanec) is nothing like his on stage persona (at least I hope not).

I don't find him funny. I too find him irritating. Maybe his audience is stupid and don't get that he's a broad caricature. Maybe they're smart enough to realize that he's making fun of them. I don't know.

I feel like we laugh at the comedian that most resonates with who we are. I find Jerry Seinfeld pretty irritating. I laugh like hell at the 3 Stooges, Jerry Clower, Steven Wright (when I'm in the right mood), and old Carlin. I'm sure that says somehting about me.

Any way, if the rest of the movie's good then hearing "grd" isn't gonna kill it for me.

At 9:09 PM, Blogger codemorse said...

I can't say your incorrec (because you aren't!) but it still bothers me. Dangerfield may have feigned having a wife to take, but this guy feigns the sort of stupidity that reinforces and encourages nasty stereotypes.

That doesn't mean he shouldn't be allowed to do that. It just means that I'm less likely to enjoy it.

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Reynel Martinez said...


Shame you didnt link them to Why Cars Will Suck.

At 8:07 AM, Blogger codemorse said...

What, and give your insanity more publicity? No, thanks.


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