Saturday, September 24, 2005

Dharma Police

The season premiere of Lost blew the nation's collective mind this past wednesday. Of all the new info the show threw at us, the most interesting to me is the corporate branding all over the walls and equipment in the hatch. Someone over at Chud found this clear reproduction.

Friday, September 23, 2005


World's Greatest Film Critic (tm), "Vern," just saw A History Of Violence, the new Viggo Mortenson flick. It's one of the movies I'm most looking forward to seeing this fall, and as usual, Vern gives it a brilliant review (and he likes it, too).

Speak thy words of pearly wisdom, Vern

Retro Rocket: Frailty

My newest Retro Rocket column is up at the Average Joes. Bill Paxton's Frailty is a taut, effective, and ultimately disturbing film that fans of "Se7en" and other psychological creep-fests should eat up with le spoon.

Read my review HERE.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Getting Lost

Lost returns tonight, thus reactivating my scary addiction to the primetime network show.

In honor of this blessed event, I feel like posting the "five places I'd want to get lost" list, which recently won me the Lost: Season 1 DVD set from the good folks at (thanks, Nick!). The object of the contest was to list five fictional places from television and/or film that you'd want to be lost. Here was my response:

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. What man wouldn’t volunteer to be “Stranded” in the bizarre 70’s porn-lite world of Barbarella? Jane Fonda may be a wacky vegetable-oil-bus-riding media sideshow today, but she’s also been an intergalactic sex kitten. Largely self-explanatory, this one.

For a second choice, I’d go with another fairly obvious choice – the universe of Firefly/Serenity. Sure, it’s a grimy, oppressive future-scape where I’d scrape a living off of being some sort of scurrilous criminal, but I’d also be gifted with endlessly, impossibly witty conversational abilities. I’d turn my powers of elocution toward motivational public speaking, and become a future Tony Robbins. Learning how to cuss in Mandarin seems like a hoot.

Third, strand me Toon town, where the animated greats bounce off each other like ping pong balls, physics depend largely on how funny you falling would be, and hard-boiled film noir co-exists with animated lunacy.

Fourth, strand me in the primary-color acid nightmare of the Superfriends. In this world, no one EVER dies, or gets hurt in any serious way. Big colorful heroes and villains fight big, silly, entertaining battles, and an everyday joe like me could find himself fighting alongside the likes of Superman and Gleep the amazing super monkey. All the danger of a Boy Scout camping trip, minus the potential for creepy molesting. I’ve always wanted to be a hero, and by tossing a towel around my neck and sticking a letter on my chest, I’d find myself just as capable as that weird teenage non-superhero with the big M on his chest.

Finally, we’d end our time/space/cathode hopping in the far-flung future utopia of San Dimas, CA, home of the excellent waterslides.
If you’re going to strand me anywhere, strand me in a fictional world where Faith No More has a theological institute, students chill with Abe Lincoln, Genghis Khan, and Beethoven, and war has been eradicated thanks to noodley 80’s guitar music. You don’t get much more fictional, or perfect, than that.

Man, What a Week

It's been a tough one here at Codemorse, and my posting here has suffered because of it. I'm trying to get a new Retro Rocket column written for tomorrow, interview for jobs, and juggle family/girlfriend/friendstuff. Ringling Bros., I am the juggler you've been seeking.

In lieu of my usual Jack Daniels-fueled ramblerama, here's a bunch of links I've found enlightening/interesting/infuriating of late:

FEMA sends gulf-coast ice trucks to Maine

Scientists stop taking creationist bitch-slaps

Jeb Bush has an imaginary friend! Snuffaluppagus ain't got nuthin' on "Chang: Warrior Mystic!"

Battlin' Canucks take on Walmart and win

Dutch TV host plans to take Heroin and LSD on-air. Makes me wish I had dutch cable.

Our Government continues to prove its bewildering lack of perogatives - will ban cell phones for teen drivers


Penguins Prove Existence of God; Demand Herring Sacrifices In Their Holy Honor

Apparently, March of the Penguins is not only a cute-n'-fuzzy nature doc, but also a stirring argument for the concept of intelligent design.

"To think that natural selection or even the penguins themselves could come up
with the idea to migrate miles and miles multiple times each year without their
partner or their offspring is a bit insulting to my intellect. How great is our God!"

How stupid is our country!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Bond Goes Bats

James Bond is to be given a new image as a younger character with no gadgets, a writer on the next film has told trade paper the Hollywood Reporter.

Story HERE.

So...they're going to make Batman Begins without the costume?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Those Google Fellas Are A Little Cheeky, No?

Go to and type in "failure." Then hit the "I'm feeling Lucky" button.

Jumpin' Jehosophats.. that's not exactly subtle.